Acknowledging Anger.....from a meditative perspective....

Are you an angry person? Do you allow anger to over rule your emotions and take you down into the depths of despair when things don't go the way you want them to? When anger creeps up on you, do you re-act by expressing your feelings loudly or do you seethe and boil like one of those pressure cookers on the go, ready to erupt at any given moment when someone or something tips the balance? One too many bubbles erupt and there goes the lid.

No? Maybe you are the opposite, maybe anger does not even come into the equation for you at all. Is that possible do you think?

Today I would like to share a little of my journey with you regarding anger and what I personally learned through meditation and facing this little emotion head on. I am not going to say it was fun. Interesting? Extremely! Emotional? A bit like that reference to the pressure cooker up there. My lid did fly off my friends but really that was not such a bad thing.

So here is how it happened.....

Background noise: (Meeting the inner selves, Father, Mother and Child: Turns out the inner mother in me pretty much over-ruled the other two, to the extent that the father did not really exist...but thats a story for another day).

We find ourselves in meditation being forced to confront and acknowledge the benefits of feeling anger. This came about as someone in the group was really angry at men in particular and laying the blame on them for the woes of society in a certain country, strangely enough it was in fact a man). The purpose of the meditation was in fact to confront the feelings of anger, and learn how to accept our feelings and learn from it). What went on in my head however, was a little bit different.

Why? Well, imagine there are two of me standing there. One extremely feminine, calm and composed, smiling and happy, completely centred and sure of herself. The other one, the male version is trying to convince her that being angry is ok. In fact it is necessary to sometimes feel angry for us to be complete.  (going to have to go with the he and she when in fact we are really talking about me LOL)

She: "Anger is not conducive to our being". (Can't remember the whole monologue but she basically suggested that getting angry was a complete waste of time. It just upsets ourselves and others to boot. Why even bother with it?)

He insisted over and over that we need to feel and express anger. If we did not we would not be able to appreciate happiness or right wrongs etc etc. Feeling angry is normal, just like feeling happy or sad!

It went on in such a fashion to the point that I was unsure if this meditation had made any difference to me at all. We of course did some work around this and then all went home to our own lives where over the next few weeks I was quite amazed at the difference in my moods.

You see, suddenly, I started to feel angry about things where previously I may have just felt a little sad. OMG I am feeling really pissed off with you right now. Where did that come from? It was a bit like being burned really. That initial pain, followed by a bit of shock, then that moment where you think, how will I deal with this? And you take action either way very quickly.

Am I going to keep the lid on or let it out? Well, I decided to do a bit of both. Each time it happened, (and it happened quite a lot for a week or so) I went within myself and first acknowledged my feeling. OK, I'm annoyed, in fact I do feel angry. Why? What is the purpose of this feeling? Am I angry because of me or because of you? Hmmmmm

I accept that I am angry, its OK to feel angry and now I am going to re-act to this accordingly. I often found myself laughing at the whole process as I was doing it all backwards. While others were dealing with their anger issues and how to re-act, here I was learning how to feel that anger and accept it first and then go back to the reaction bit. As opposed to feeling sad which I suddenly learned I was using as a substitute.

And really my friends, this was no laughing matter. It was serious business. I think what I learned from it all was that yes, anger is an important emotion and its is ok to feel angry when someone pokes you where you do not want to be poked.  I learned to express this by telling those who made me angry. Hey, I am not cool with this. I feel angry! GRRRRR! And at first I think they were a little shocked. Well, some were rather amused. LOL. I learned that while I am not really an angry person, that sometimes I should feeling angry lest I get bogged down in sadness or disappointment in others.

Because over the past few years there have been situations where I should have been angry and I simply felt sad and/or disappointed. And we all know that sad can become a heavy burden to carry indeed.

And funnily enough several months later I found myself in class and we were doing a group exercise where we had various words and we had to place them on a scale as to what is less good for us and most good (closer to divine).  I found myself arguing (yes me) with my class mates as to where on the scale ANGER should sit. They all wanted to place it right down the bottom. I on the other hand wanted it up higher. In fact a little higher than halfway would seem about right to me. Of course they did not agree with me. They were right where I was previously. Anger is not nice! NO NO NO. In the end they met me half way. And lo and behold they were shocked when my choice was the right one. It was one of those times where you don't really want to be right but you know you are.


While I do not personally have much need for Anger, I certainly acknowledge it and intend to allow it to emerge when be. I also acknowledge that I don't like the feeling therefore I was refusing to allow it to be a part of me.

I have been learning to speak up where before I may have kept silent. This has been a big step for me.

I am learning!


Love and Light to you my friends, may your lives be filled with Peace, Joy, Love & Happiness

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

Bush Tucker.....a little history lesson......

While most of the kids in NSW are on holidays right now. We were up in the bush learning a little something (as one does). Take a little history, science, Humanities, religion, Food Tech, Survival skills and an Indigenous Bush Ranger called Gary to guide you and what do you get? Well a whole lot of FUN...and of course a great deal of learning (shhhh don't tell the kids). 

We began our little trek in amongst the pines which is a bit like a mini rainforest in the middle of the national park. It was wet and mushy and there were a lot of leeches around despite the fact that they do not usually frequent this area so much.  Lucky for me, I had something on my feet for once. (I would like to thank the local parcel delivery guy for that one. He told me about the leeches and suggested I be wary, so I borrowed Gemma's gum boots and was so glad that I did). 

Before we got walking though. Gary gave us a bit of a history lesson about the Awabakal people who were the true custodians of this land. Now there is a bit of a dispute about that around here as the Darkinjung got their claim in first and are recognised legally. We won't go into all that but Gary enlightened us to the truth and then told us all about the culture, the traditions and customs of local tribes and also embellished with some wonderful stories to keep us all interested. 

He introduced us to all we would need to survive in the bush......and some little luxuries too....

Did you know that with just one stick you can make fire, hunt, fish, and even mend it if it breaks using tree resin? He told us how to make these tools, what they were for and even how to use them. (Although we did not go ahead and hunt on this occasion. We were too busy learning about the plants).

Next he took us for a wander, "Remember to watch your step and be aware that deadly brown snakes live here" (Why thank you for that advice while you have us walk straight across this perfectly camouflaged area! Really!) Of course snakes were soon forgotten when we started to see those blood sucking leeches jumping up everyones legs. There were lots of squeals and jumping about by people as well. LOL The kids on the other hand were quite enjoying the leeches and comparing how long they could stand having them suck their blood before pulling them off....EWWWWWW...

Now of course we were not just taking a walk we stopped every few steps and he pointed out a useful plant which could be used for food, water or even for medicine. Personally, I could have stayed all day and would loved to have had a private tour so I could take notes. LOL However, I did manage to observe quite a lot and remember a fair bit of it. And Zak absorbed far more than I thought he would too! (Mission accomplished :-)). 

Fern......its everywhere around here......did you know that the leaves are a natural insect repellent. You can crush them and rub them on your arms to ward off mozzies and flies. You can also use it after the bites to help stop the itching. The roots and seed pods are edible provided you soak them in water for a few days first. 

Here we have a paper bark tree. The powder from the dryer parts is used to dry an open wound. You can then take a larger piece from near the bottom which should be a little mouldy and wrap it around the wound. (Natural penicillin) finally you take some larger dry sheets from the top and wrap to form a bandage. 

Got a headache? No worries, just chew some of this......

We slowly made our way through the trails....

Through the pines .......

Jumped across a stream...

And up the hill...... through the shrubbery......

It was about at this point that my camera battery died. Argghhhh. I had taken my little camera which I have not used for ages and the battery was obviously not up to it. So I took a couple of shots with my phone.  We emerge to the bush that is more like home around here. 

Lots of gum trees....

Gary told us stories from the dreamtime, talked about sacred sites and gave us quite an impression on his political views too. Would love to catch up with him sometime again. He was a wealth of interesting information. All in all, a very educational experience and a wonderful time in nature for those of us who are that way inclined. 

The kids are keen to go camping up there in the near future. Sounds like a great idea to me! Although its getting a bit nippy at nights now and no fires allowed in the national park. Maybe in Spring. 

Love and Light to all xoxox

Decisions Decisions

Namaste xoxox

Hello my friends. How are we all? Well I hope. 

This is Sibel pretending that she is just taking a little nap in my craft room as opposed to stealing my yarn. Hmmmm

Just thought I would pop in and say hi and update on where things are around here. 

Its been busy as usual. For those who follow my craft blog you would know that my creative side gets more attention than my blogging these days. 

I have been really struggling with posting in the sense that 

a) I have not had the time to sit and write the posts I would like to write therefore I don't write at all. 

b) The homeschooling posts became more like a chore. The whole point of the weekly updates was to keep a record for the HS inspector. However, I find myself really not liking that I even have to do that and a lot of it is repetitive anyway. There is also the fact that my son in his usual fashion has managed to change so much of what he should be doing (not all) that its hard to write it all down when one is busy with other things. I won't go into more detail as I will give one more update to round up the term. I will say however that my son likes to dance to his own tune, no matter how things should or could be done, his way is always better. LOL  He has told me what he would like to learn next term and although it is technically school holidays here This week will go down as school for him.  Excursions today and tomorrow and camp for the rest of the week.  Works well for us and we want to take a break at the end of May. 

c) Me, myself and I. Once upon a time I used to blog about myself, my feelings, my life etc along side the homeschooling stuff. That seems to have gone astray along the way. That said, I think my main reasoning for not blogging is that I feel this blog has really served its purpose. Its time for new beginnings etc etc. So in the next few months or so I will probably be shutting it down. I am pretty sure that most of the people following do not pop by much anymore and those of you who do can follow me over to my new place if you like. I think a fresh start like a new coat of paint might just get me motivated a little more. It will not happen straight away and I will let you know before I do it. 

So what have I been doing to keep me busy? Aside from every day life in a  large family and homeschooling? 

Planning getaways. Gardening, Knitting, crocheting and cross stitching with a little bit of sewing thrown in. Writing patterns.  Dealing with a cute but crazy kitten and a cranky bird. Playing with my dogs. Hanging out with friends. Planning business ventures (yep you heard that right). Dreaming up how to make that happen whilst still edumacating ones cheeky son at the same time. Not really finding the time but knowing I must. Learning and following the path of my healing hands who seem to be in cahoots with the herbal faeries and send me off on new adventures all the time. Learning to trust my intuition which has kicked in even more since joining Shanti Mission.  (I have taken a break from my courses for a while but am keen to get back to it soon. <3 nbsp="" p="">

Sitting here feeling a little guilty even writing this post as I have so much to do today. So am off to get it done. Have a wonderful week everyone. I hope you are well. 

Love and hugs xoxox

Kookaburra's eat birds.....

Clarity..... that moment when suddenly it all becomes clear.....

By now you are a little bit aware that all kinds of knowledge comes to me through dreams. Sometimes it can be quite profound, but sometimes its as clear as day and the answer to a question I may have asked.

Well, last week I had this dream and it was so obvious and clear that I woke up thinking "Oh...Oh..Ohhhhhhh"

And it went a bit like this.

There I was minding my own business, when I notice this dead tree devoid of leaves and such. It had upon it many little birds nests, one of which appeared to be broken. I climbed that tree to take a look and there was one little featherless baby bird jumping about on the branch below. I fixed the nest and placed it back in then climbed down.

As I walked away I heard a noise and turned back to see a large Kookaburra swoop down and grab the baby bird. (Ah that moment when you suck your breath in so fast that you can't breathe, and you realise so much all at once. You can't do anything about it. Thats life. Yadda Yadda Yadda) I woke up. My heart lurching..... Oh Oh! What a dream.

Why did I dream that?

It became clear quite quickly. Twice last week we found birds eggs on the ground. Once out the back and once out the front. We also had two baby kookaburras hanging about through the week. I had actually asked out loud, "Why are these eggs falling out of the nests?" And of course I was shown very clearly what was happening.

I knew Kookaburra's ate fish but did not realise that they eat other birds too. There is a baby bird sitting in our garden right now. Hopefully it is too big for the kookaburra's to annoy though.

Our homeschooling fortnight....

As you can imagine with all the illness and accidents over the past couple of weeks. Our learning was a little condensed. Although once you write it all down it does not seem so bad after all. Outdoor activities were replaced with indoor. Brain bruisers were replaced with gentler easier to digest with fuzzy brain activities. And it went a bit like this.......

PDHP

There was no gymnastics due to the surfing accident and sore muscles that needed to heal. He did still however go swimming and bodyboarding a few times.

He worked at Gardening business for only two days this fortnight.

Science

Basic

He did watch quite a bit of tv considering he was laid up for about 4 days and indoors for quite a few more with the weather. He watched a lot of science shows (you know the type where they conduct experiments) and a few documentaries about nature. And then there was "Fringe" (for those who have not heard of it. A show about mad scientists and an imminent war between two parallel universes. Whilst not real life it does bring up a lot for discussion and science related questions etc. He has been enjoying this series and is up to season 4 already.)

He has continued with his online science class and completed two more lessons on

/Introductory Chemistry 

All lessons watched and worksheets completed.

• Write the correct chemical formulae for compounds based on the valencies of the atoms involved. 
• Writing chemical equations  (memorise) 
• Draw electron shell diagrams for various elements. 
• Explain the terms, elements, compounds.    (really keen to do some of the experiments himself at home). 
• Study chemistry charts

/Astronomy

• The Milky Way Galaxy   (Reading and comprehension)
• Stellar Dwarfs - Research and colours and group stars, write a mnemonic for remembering the order of the stars. 
• Label sketch of the Milky Way Galaxy
• The Moon (Reading facts) Comprehension worksheet. 
• The phases of the moon. Label Diagram and colour the phases of the moon.

/Marine Biology/Creative Art

• Discuss and observe different types of food chains, brainstorm examples
• Observe order of food chain in Marine environment
• Begin prep for artwork - Food Chain Pyramid - large triangle sheet
• Draw and cut out various fish shape
• Paint fish with water colours and mix overlapping colours

(Ongoing art Science/Art project) 

Maths

• Calculator operations
• Played Spider Math
• Equations and inequations
• Order of Operations - 1
• Order of Operations -2 
• Inverse Operations
• Number patterns -2 
• Order of Operations - 3
• Equations with numbers and words
• Substituting values
• Minecraft
• Menza Puzzles and Brain teasers  (to wake up that sleepy brain) 

Spelling

Various activities around spelling words of the week. We skipped spelling for the second week as he was unwell and he chose to do more math and less English. 

Reading

Continuing with Valley of Gold - 1900 Maggie - Fiction, 1890 -1920 Factual. 

History

• Gold in Australia
• Mining Methods - reading and comprehension
• Gold Discoveries
• Writing (creative) 
• Writing (newspaper article)
• Victoria - read and comprehend facts (complete Synonyms for passage words) 

Cooking

Z has been cooking up a storm as usual and leaving the cooktop turned on. Arghhhh Baking however is going smoothly....

Last week he made up his own recipe. Gluten free banana, choc chip muffins. (OR Zaks Juicy Banana Choc Chip Cupcakes as he would have them named. Very heavy on the choc chips but otherwise nice and healthy). 

Computer

• Has been using the computer for lots of research and self led interests
• Learned how to fix and re-install programs after a break down of his computer
• Minecraft and skype with friends

Music 

The usual practice...

Other

Learned and assisted with changing of door handles/locks after we discovered there had been an attempted break in through our back door. 

Youth group - went on a night trip to Sydney for combined church group event one week and stayed at church on second week where they did a bible lesson and then some wrestling. 

For those wondering where English is, it is submerged in all the other subjects. Mum is a bit sneaky like that. hehehehe! 

Are we feeling sleepy yet? 

Have a wonderful week all. 

Hugs and smoochies xoxox

Hi...

Just a really quick hello my friends. I have not forgotten the weekly homeschool report. However its going to be a fortnightly one this week as we are a bit all over the place.

Z has had a rather bad cold which had him laid up for a couple of days and a bit brainless ever since. I say that it a purely explanatory kind of way, not questioning his natural brain power but really, nothing seems to be the go when it comes to anything book learny other than a bit of math or menza puzzles which he has been picking up and leaving mid way as he feels like it.

On Tuesday, A was also home from school with an upset tummy. He went back yesterday and today he has come down with a sore throat and achy bones, which he more than likely caught from me as I was feeling the same way yesterday. I could not even knit yesterday afternoon much to my horror, it hurt too much. SB also has a bad headache so the germs seem to be among us.

So looks like today will be a day for soup and tv shows and lots of laziness all round.

Keep well. Hugs xoxox

Judgement.....

Lets talk about it shall we? We all do it. We judge one another or even ourselves to no end. Yes even the people who  you think would never. They do. Yes, even me!!!!!

I found myself in this predicament just yesterday. A woman came into the waiting room at the hospital where I was sitting waiting for my mum to have an operation. She spent the whole time there talking loudly so everyone could hear her conversation. I was trying NOT to listen as I found her absolutely annoying. She was whinging and complaining in a holier than thou kind of way. First looking for a bit of gossip with the nurses about some dr (they chose not to play) and then proceeding to complain about some poor relatives choice of wedding venue, reception, their rudeness in expecting her to travel and of course if she would rather not buy a gift there would be a wishing well. "How rude is that?" she declared in a huff.  And it went on and on and on. She nit picked that wedding from every angle possible. She decided after ages of whining that she would not be going.

Now me, I was sitting there trying not to listen, knitting away on auto-pilot, when I suddenly could not stand it any more. I said nothing of course but boy was I thinking it "Lady! Shut up! We really are not interested. Bet those relatives will be glad to hear you are not coming along if this is what they put up with." So yes, I was judging her. Not out loud but in my head. I was thinking "You lady are not very nice." Meanwhile my auto-pilot knitting went astray. I was not watching entirely what I was doing and got about 12 rows further when I noticed I had made a mistake. Fancy that! Hmmmm

My knitting would have to back track and along with it my thoughts. I was sitting there having negative thoughts about someone I did not even know and what happened? I made a mistake. Of course I was remorseful. Apologised to lady in my head, judged myself immensely and left it at that.

The powers that be however, had a little something more in store for that night. In the way of a LESSON DREAM. You know, just in case I did not get it and all. It was intense my friends and a little hard to explain in full but I will try to give you the gist of it if I can.

In the dream there was the boy who was aged around 13. He was hanging about some sort of pizza shop with some older men when I stopped and removed him from the situation. Why? Because I knew this kid. He lived with his dad and I knew his grandparents. I was not quite sure why he was hanging about in a public place with these men. It was all innocent and normal going when the boys mother rings me up and starts accusing us of all sorts of things.

I was at first a little shocked. I did not know his mum. Had never met her and thought she was not really "there" in his life. She was accusing my boys of inviting her son to a rave (all night dance party and not the place for young kids). According to this woman, my kids went all the time and her son told her so. She did not want her son near my kids. Also (and this is when I got angry) she started to carry on about sleep overs which he had never had with my kids. But she believed that boys got up to no good sexually at such things.

I was now not only shocked and angry but horrified that a mother would say something like this at all. I was horrified on my own behalf, on my kids (was she accusing them?) and in fact on all kids (who was she talking about) and for her son, who was a good boy. What was wrong with this woman?

And here comes the judgement. Obviously in such a situation, one feels cornered so we immediately fight back. Now me being me, I started writing my reply in my head and in the writing and indeed the processing of all the information that came to me I did not end up sending her that message. Why? Because the lesson about judgement was loud and clear.

While my initial response would have had me being defensive and reacting badly. Taking the time to stop and think about it had me feeling entirely different about the whole situation.  I would of course have denied her allegations and then perhaps retaliated with what I thought of her. I was thinking of course. "How dare she? She who has nothing to do with her child. She who left him with his dad who had some serious problems of his own which is why SHE left him." Oh it went on and I was totally judging her as being a terrible mother. Her perception of us was way off base. Her disassociation with her own child was just wrong.

Oh my! It was about there that I imagined that feeling. Disassociation with ones own child? Poor Poor woman. Now I wanted to tell her that in fact. My children did not run the street (like hers was when I found him :-( ). I wanted to tell her that my older boy does not go out much at all and never un-supervised. I wanted to tell her that the only "rave" I could think of that her son may want to go to was in fact a Church Youth group disco which was fully supervised and arranged to get the kids together in a safe environment. I wanted to tell her that her son just wanted his mothers attention so he would say anything to get it. Because even an angry mum is better than no mum at all.

I felt so so sad for this kid. I wanted his mum to step up and be his mum. I was feeling defensive no longer for myself but for this kid. Still, still I was judging her as being inadequate.

Which led me to the sexual innuendo. That one threw me. Why would anyone say such a thing? They are kids. Kids like to have sleep overs. Its normal. Right? And then in a rush it came to me. What if something bad happened to her when she was a kid. I don't know her. I have not walked in her shoes.

I immediately felt very ashamed of myself and my thoughts. I was humbled to say the least. Instead of wanting to shake this woman and yell "wake up lady" I pretty much had an awakening myself.

I have no right to judge this woman, even if she was the one to attack. She was attacking because she was vulnerable and insecure and I was merely reacting in kind. Perhaps she felt helpless when it came to her son because she had no moral support herself.

I now wanted to hug this woman and tell her everything was going to be ok. I wanted to tell her, her son was a good boy and she had nothing to fear. I wanted to tell her to trust her kid and yes spend some time to get to know him. I wanted to tell her she was a good mum and that I understood her fears and her trying to protect him. I wanted to say sorry for her pain and suffering because her life had obviously been hard to make her act this way in the first place.

It was around this time I woke up and could not stop thinking about it. Geez, what a dream. One can explain the basic story but not the feelings and emotions involved. Your perception and your perception alone will depend on how you take this story and process it.

For me, I am reminded not to judge others but instead try to understand them. Today I am thankful for this dream lesson and for the little prompts from the universe that had me write it down. I forgive myself for my thoughts of judgement not only towards others but towards myself as well.  I am only human after all. I accept that judgement is a natural part of being human and that only in acknowledging this feeling can we let it go.

I send blessings  from my heart to all those who feel they are being judged by others and to those who feel the need to judge. May your hearts be filled with love, forgiveness, acceptance, and may you be blessed with the ability to understand each other, fully and completely. Through divine grace. So be it!




Love and Light my friends. xoxoxoxox